super-size it

living in la la land, real life sometimes takes a backseat to the imaginary. and no one makes that more obvious more often than the la times, who are offering today an article on fake presidents.

in another article, my faith in an informed electorate was reaffirmed with this quote:

Judith Holleman, a voice actress from Lakeview Terrace who declined to give her age, said she would have considered voting for Obama if his name sounded more American. Instead she voted for McCain even though she said she doesn't like him."We just really need someone in the White House other than the Clintons, whose term was disgraceful," Holleman said.

asset management

every once in a while, as is my wont, i will imbibe a tasty beverage with a friend or colleague. by which of course, i mean, i like to down jaegger shots until i pass out a few nights a week. so last night the roomie and i, having nothing meaningful to contribute to society at the moment, went out to have a stiff one and look at strippers.

we headed out to here lounge in weho, where the half-naked boys are now that mickey's burned to the ground. and while seductively sipping on my manderin and seven, i joined the roomie in reviewing (i.e., oggling) the assets of said half-naked boys. a few observations:

  1. apparently, dancing ability is not a requirement to be a go-go boy. nice abs, obviously, are.
  2. no one looks sexy wearing knee-pads. especially while wearing cowboy boots and hat.
  3. if you bring a stack of hundreds of dollar bills to the bar, you'll come off as kinda skeezy. just sayin'.
  4. i know teh gayz like the big biceps, but boys: please do some squats every once in a while. some of us are leg men, and you look kinda silly wearing a jock strap if you have a flat ass.
  5. i heart pocket gays who do yoga in their underwear. again, just sayin'.

i think i probably would have enjoyed concentrating in anthropology a lot more if, rather than studying food and religion in europe and asian, i'd focused on the ethnology of strippers. ah, well.

wither the wind blows

honestly, i don't know who the fuck to vote for in next week's primary. on the one hand, all politicians, regardless of party, pretty much suck ass, and not in the good way. on the other, i'd much rather have either hills or barry than any of the other options (assuming, of course, that martial law is not declared and elections are "postponed").

listening to barry speak is kinda like listening to some of jfk's speaches....i'm moved. but that is, essentially, an emotional response. i know hills has a ton of experience and is connected to very intelligent people who will advise her a hell of a lot better than the current camp counselors in the white house. but she's kinda cold, and lots of people have a knee-jerk dislike for her.

i like them both, but they both have weaknesses. if only they were wonder twins and could use their hydro/zo-morphic powers together...

o fortuna

what happens when you open a fortune cookie and nothing is there? is it like a zen nothingness, all peaceful and tranquil and at one with nature? or is it more like you have no future, you poor unfortunate soul? cause with the way this week is going, i think i might vote for the latter.

in vino veritas

so, a study recently discovered that when people were given wine to drink, they rated it more enjoyable when they were told it was more expensive.

while i'm all for the scientific method, i don't think this is all that big of a discovery. no shit they enjoyed the wine better when they thought it was expensive. if someone gives me a diamond ring, i'm sure as hell gonna like it better than if it were cubic zirconium--the two rings look the same and function the same, but the bling is better when it costs more.

i think a far more interesting question is not whether or not price influences enjoyment, but how does the relationship between the enjoyment of a commodity and the enjoyment of price work? does price compound enjoyment of the commodity, or is it a separate pleasure in and of itself? and how does price affect things we don't enjoy (i remember someone opening up a bottle of shitty wine and then telling me it cost $45...i certainly didn't enjoy it any better)?

all i need is a sugar daddy and i can start the experimenting...


please, i think to myself, let him speak first....

but he can't, or won't, or shouldn't. he stands there, an occupier of space and time, without desire or personality or being or spirit. he is merely an image in my view, and i must bridge the gap--that short gap of five candle-lit feet--in order to breathe life into those molecules.

please, let him speak first. it's an empty plea. i know i have no choice. if there is to be any speach at all, i must speak first.

and so i do....